Scared to "almost" death

I am scared to "almost" death. The reason I say this is because I am going to talk to my father sometime this week, but I am terrified. I need to let him know what lies ahead in my future... Pretty much he needs to know that I am planning on getting married in 2 1/2 months. So I wrote a letter expressing ALL my feelings that I could come up with. It is meant for my dad, but I am going to approach him face-to-face first. Then I will give him the letter afterwards to make sure he gets everything I feel, and so I don't leave anything out, due to my lack of courage. I have had so many opportunities to talk to him this last week, but I just couldn't get myself to tell him that I wanted to talk, or that we "need" to talk. Expressing myself is one of my biggest weaknesses by far. I hesitate stating my feelings because I fear I will hurt someone else's feelings while I tell them what I think. I am also scared of being judged. I don't like the feeling of having everyone's eyes on the back of my head trying to somehow point me in the direction and path they see and have planned for me. I feel like there are little lasers focusing on the back of my head and trying to burn in their own little maps and pathways... if they aren't careful my whole head is going to catch on fire.

Now it doesn't help that my weakness is not believing in myself sometimes. I have had many problems with believing that I can make decisions, and that my decision is valid. I also have troubles seeing myself in a good way. It's hard to feel old enough, mature enough, and pretty enough to get married, but I do have a wonderful man that helps me through it the whole way. He supports me and my insecurities. He helps me believe in myself... and he is training me to make even the littlest decisions without relying on someone else to help me. I can honestly say he's perfect and I'm so glad I am marrying him. I would never have chosen anybody else; he just fits every check point on my "what I want in my future husband" list. I want to spend every moment with him, every experience, every thought. I have never felt so strong about a person than I do now, about Jesse. He is my life, and will always be. And I can't wait until he's permanently mine! <3>